Germany's Apartments Are The Greatest Expectation Vs. Reality Win I've Ever Experienced

Recently, I made the decision to move to Berlin for the summer. And obviously, the first thing I did was look for an apartment I could sublet while there.

BTW, if you’re also an American looking for a Berlin sublet, you can search WG-Gesucht or eBay instead of AirBnB. Yeah IDK, Germans are obsessed with eBay.

I wanted to stay within my budget so I started looking for a shared apartment situation.

Me and my money seedling. (The engineers are the ones who make the big bucks here, OK???)

Pretty quickly, I realized that these Germans were totally misrepresenting their homes.

One listing described their home as “cozy.”

As a New Yorker, I know this is code for “you must possess no more than three pieces of furniture and also play Tetris with your clothes every day. Also if you’re taller than 6’2″ this isn’t the place for you, please go back to Ohio.”

For reference, this is an example of “cozy” in NYC.

The room ends where the photo ends. I’m not even trying to shame anyone here, because this teeny AF bedroom for ants is just the norm!

Now, readers, THIS is an apartment listed as “cozy” in Berlin.

I could incubate an entirely new BuzzFeed office here and call it BuzzRoom.

THIS “cozy” room is where my dog and his three dog sitters I’d hire with all my leftover money would live.

Are you freaking kidding me, Germany!!

This is my actual, real-life NYC kitchen that I pay half of my paycheck for:

I’ve literally never had people over for dinner because like, physics and square footage.

This is a typical Berlin kitchen, according to a German colleague of mine. ?

Honestly, it’d probably be even cheaper if you actually rented the place instead of AirBnBing it.

There’s a reason Germans have the lowest beds I’ve ever slept on. They’re trying to FILL UP SPACE!

Germans probably looking things up like, “how to make big room appear cozy.”

In conclusion, NYC has distorted my grasp of the English language and Berlin has gorgeous, human-sized apartments I want to live in forever.

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