8 signs you have an insecure partner, according to an expert

From wanting to know every detail of your schedule to needing lots of reassurance, these are the signs your partner may be dealing with some insecurities.

Embarking on a new relationship often means discovering some new things about yourself and the person you’re with.

From your daily habits to your deepest and darkest secrets, a lot can be unearthed through these interactions, particularly in the early stages of the relationship.

One of the things we often start to notice during these crucial moments is how our insecurities can show up in our relationships, something that’s being explored by CBT-trained mental health content creator Ron Yap.

The writer has taken to social media to share some of the key signs that you may have an insecure partner as well as some tips on how best to tackle it.

According to Yap, the first sign that someone may have an insecure partner is if their partner talks a lot about their exes or compares you to their exes constantly. He also highlights that making you feel guilty when you don’t call or text back right away is a sign of insecurity. Begging you to go to every social gathering in order to “show off that you’re together” is another.

Next up, Yap suggests other signs include wanting to know every detail about your schedule, being suspicious of your friends and encouraging you not to meet up with your friends.

The final signs that you have an insecure partner, according to Yap, are that they constantly ask for reassurance about the relationship, everything feels like a competition and they can become overly aggressive and defensive about you even when you don’t need it.

“We all have insecurities and they inevitably show up in our relationships one way or another,” Yap captioned the post.

“This is why I say that even if people show these signs, we shouldn’t jump to conclusions and label them as anxious, overcontrolling, control freaks, etc.⁠ But when the issue persists and they continue to perform these actions despite you communicating that it makes you feel uncomfortable, then that becomes a problem.

In the post, which has gained over 8,000 likes, many took to the comments to share how these signs resonated with them and how their own insecurities showed up in their relationships.

“Definitely guilty of some of these in the past,” commented one user. “Nobody is perfect for sure but I’m glad I have learned and am learning.”

Another user shared how dating an insecure person affected their own wellbeing, writing: “It really wears you down when you are with someone who is insecure. Because you feel like you are always being tested and quizzed. You begin to feel trapped and find it you are draining all your energy trying to please and soothe your partner.”

“Insecurities are something we all experience but it’s essential to recognise this in ourselves and the people we’re dating,” said another. “Then we can learn how to best navigate through those challenges as a couple or decide if it’s best to do so separately. Understanding and communication are at the heart of it all”.

“No partner is perfect, and many of these behaviours could come from past relationship issues, a history of trauma or other emotional baggage, so they deserve more empathy and compassion,” Yap added. “However, if you have communicated to them you don’t feel comfortable with their actions and they brush it off, get defensive or are not willing to change, then that might be a red flag you should consider.”

Image: Getty / Tom Werner

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