Being sober makes me feel better – but I know it makes me boring

I've given up alcohol for short periods a few times. There's been a couple of Dry Januarys, abstaining before running the London marathon so I could actually do some training or the time I gave up out of shame after I got so drunk that my sister's boyfriend had to come pick me up from a bottomless brunch. Yeah, that was embarrassing.

During those periods of time I feel rejuvenated, healthy, less anxious and more productive than when I'm on the wagon. I find it fairly easy too.

So it seems like a logical decision to cut it out completely, but I've not even got close to that.

It feels sad to admit this but there's a part of me that can't escape the feeling that I am really quite bored without it. And worse yet, that I'm boring other people.

Liking wine isn't a personality trait, but I so wish it was because that would make me a much more interesting person.

Since I was in my late teens – basically when house parties really became a thing – going out meant having a drink. The two have gone hand in hand for so long that I struggle with doing either solo.

Therefore when I go weeks without alcohol I tend to reduce my social calendar to the minimal requirements, and you'll find me either working, watching TV or going to the gym. That's how I find cutting it out easy, but cutting out a lot of other things too.

It feels like I'm living a dialled down, boring version of my life and I don't know why I do this. Am I a person who genuinely enjoys the quieter life and alcohol masks this?

I also worry that if I do go out without drinking people are going to discover that I'm more boring than the Big Brother Live stream.

Remember that? You basically just watched them sit around, while artificial bird sounds would drawn out the interesting conversations which were saved for the main show.

Is sober me Big Brother Live, and wine me the main show?

I often find myself feeling jealous of sober people, and the confidence they must have in their own personalities and how interesting their lives are.

It has become a new bragging right in recent years if you don't drink thanks to the sober movement. Mrs Hinch, Stacey Solomon, Molly-Mae Hague, Dr Emily Andre and Blake Lively are all proud non-drinkers, and the list goes on.

Their proud proclamations of their wholesome weekends can make me feel guilty for mine spent with a glass firmly in hand. Why can't I be as fun as them, and not need it? Or have they adapted their lives to not need it? None of those celebrities listed are famous for going out-out.

Of course drinking alcohol isn't bad, and being sober isn't good – there's a lot of grey areas and we all make our own choices.

My own alcohol tendencies aren't perfect. It's a work-in-progress.

Sometimes I'll let out my frustrations after a hard week at work in the gym, sometimes I'll do it over a bottle of Sauvingon Blanc at the pub with my friends. That's my life right now, and I should spend less time comparing and more time doing what makes me happy as long as it's safe and healthy for me.

One thing is for sure though I don't think I'll ever find a sweaty dancefloor in a club fun without a shot of tequila.

If you're struggling with your alcohol consumption, you can find extra support and information – from your GP or mental health charity Mind.

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