For this week’s How I Do It, Ginny, a 24-year-old bisexual woman from Lancashire with disabilities, gives us a peek at her sex life.
Ginny has been married to her husband for four years but says their sex life has improved since she became involved with the sex positivity movement.
She has health conditions including osteoarthritis and hypermobile ehlers-danlos syndrome (EDS), which means she has unstable joints that dislocate easily. It’s a ‘dynamic disability’ that changes from day to day. Sometimes she uses walking sticks but other days she needs a wheelchair.
Ginny wasn’t always so body confident. In her teens she says she didn’t feel like she ‘fitted into’ her body and wasn’t sure how to have good sex.
Now she believes that disabled people have just as much right to a healthy and fulfilling sex life as anyone else, and all bodies can be beautiful and sexy.
She and her husband enjoy experimenting with toys, gadgets and a little light BDSM. She also masturbates regularly and says it can often help with pain relief.
Read on to see what a week in her bedroom looks like…
I wake up in a cold sweat with a dislocated shoulder so I turn to my husband and shout for help.
My hypermobile EDS means I suffer dislocations most days – often my fingers, jaw, shoulders, knees and hips. People assume because it happens so regularly I must be used to the pain. But I assure you it’s still agony every single time.
My husband helps me undress and we sit together taping my shoulder back into joint. We’ve become experts at doing it ourselves so I don’t have to go to hospital every time.
Then he gives my breasts a jiggle. He has a way of always making me laugh, even at the hardest of times.
We wrap ourselves up under the duvet and cuddle. It turns into kissing and then foreplay, leading to the sort of sex where you’ve got one leg still in your pyjamas. We get the dogs out of the room, grab my vibe, lube and some water. My bad start to the morning has become a nice snuggly shag.
Today is my day off work so I spend it with friends. I’m so excited as it’s one of my first chances to see my mates after lockdown. Naturally during our catch-up the chat turns to sex.
I ask them how their love lives are going. One friend tells me about his bisexual romps and another asks if I want to see his Lego. It’s a perfect example of sex positivity – open and honest chat, but respecting people’s boundaries too.
Later in the evening I meet a different group of mates and we chat about favourite sex toys. I describe how my Satisfier Pro clitoral vibrator works by pulsing. We decide to test whether you can blow up a balloon with it. You can’t.
Sometimes people with disabilities are seen as a-sexual, or like we wouldn’t be interested in talking about sex, but my friends know me better than that.
Not a sexy day! We have a plumbing incident at home. We’ve been renovating our 1930s home and recently had out bathroom redone. Our project for the day is to swap to some fancy new taps and in the process we encounter a leak.
Downstairs there’s water coming through the kitchen ceiling. I end up standing on a chair trying to dry it out while my husband stops the leak.
After all the excitement I discover I’ve pulled my shoulder. I’m very stressed and worn out so I end up getting an early night.
Back to work today but I’m feeling rundown after two busy days. One of the joys of my disability is the fatigue – I try to pace myself but sometimes I don’t get the balance quite right.
I work for the NHS and I push myself to give it my all. I feel pressure to make sure I’m doing my job as well as a non-disabled person. Even if I suffer a dislocation at work I keep going and keep smiling. I think a lot of disabled people feel like we’re always trying to prove our worth.
By the end of the day I’m in pain, and feeling stressed and anxious. My husband runs me a hot bath and I settle in for a long soak and a wonderful masturbation session to calm my nerves. The pulses from Satisfier Pro under the water feel great. It works like a charm to relieve my pain, easing me into a blissful night’s sleep.
After another long pain-filled day at work I come home and do some admin jobs. I run a sex positivity Instagram account @mydisabledsexlife where I make videos talking about attitudes towards disabilities and body positivity. I sit with my feet up answering messages and chatting to my lovely friends and followers.
After visiting some friends in their garden, I get home and my back is really hurting so I find another use for my Magic Wand massager. Instead of giving myself an orgasm I massage my aching back. Pain aside though my endorphins are high and I’m feeling horny. I’m looking forward to making time for sex with my husband this weekend.
After a lovely lie-in and a huge breakfast barm we walk our dogs and forage some wild garlic to make pesto. I’ve got a new Lily Allen Womaniser Pro vibrator so of course I have to road test it. It’s small size means I can hold it in place with my legs which works really well.
My orgasm fills me with such joy that I decide to put on a full face of makeup, get dressed up and have a dance to some disco.
It’s so important to feel good and at home in your body. This can be a challenge when you’re disabled because you can’t always be friends with a body that causes pain, isolation, fatigue, anxiety and daily struggles.
It’s been a journey for me and being sex positive has been the driving force to loving myself unapologetically.
In the evening we make moussaka and watch films, my husband washes and brushes my hair, and we agree to end our evening with sex.
Scheduling sex is really important to me as it allows time to prepare, making sure I’m well rested, often relaxed from a bath, and ready to deal with any pain afterwards.
A lot of people misconstrue scheduling sex to mean that the fun is taken out of it. I disagree. I think it allows time to get excited and make sure that everyone’s needs are met – with plenty of space for recovery.
The thing about scheduling sex when you live with disability is that sometimes, even with the best will in the world, it doesn’t happen when you booked it in.
Last night’s session was postponed because some friends dropped by, so we make up for it with a steamy sweaty romp this morning.
As always we use plenty of lube, my Charmed by Sweet Vibrations wand and a guest appearance from my Liberty Magic Wand Mount. This is a padded positioning aide, made especially for people with mobility problems, and it can help to take the weight off my joints and get me into my favourite position – the prone bone. This is a low-strain comfy position where the woman lies on her stomach with her pelvis propped up by pillows.
Keeping your legs together reduces strain on the hips and means you can hold a toy in place. It’s a great alternative for fans of doggy or other ‘from behind’ positions.
Even so, I’m aching after our session so I take it easy for the rest of the day with a Lord of the Rings marathon and some knitting. The living room is my oyster!
How I Do It
In Metro.co.uk’s How I Do It you get a sneak peek into a week of a person’s sex and love life – from vanilla love-making to fetishes, threesomes and polyamorous relationships, they reveal it all.
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