I found condoms in my fiancé's bag after his lads' holiday – did he cheat?

DEAR DEIDRE: I HAVE got a sneaking suspicion that my fiancé cheated on me during a lads’ weekend away.

We’ve been together for five years and have lived together for two. I’m 32 and he’s 33.


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I’ve never had any reason to doubt him before, although I know he used to play the field a bit when he was younger.

But last weekend he went on a stag do with some of his mates to an Airbnb in Cornwall.

Originally, the trip was meant to be in Amsterdam but Covid made that too complicated.

I was relieved at the change of plan. Part of me worried about what the boys might get up to in the red light district.

While my fiancé was away, I felt fine. I had a nice time catching up with friends.

I suppose he didn’t message me much but I’m not clingy and we both like our own space.

When he came back he had to go straight to work. I couldn’t find my phone charger so I went rummaging through his suitcase to borrow his.

But as I poured his clothes out on to the bed, a sealed pack of condoms fell out.

I was so shocked I felt sick. I’ve got a coil and we haven’t used condoms for a year.

I’ve wanted to say something but don’t know how to bring it up.

He’s acting normally, telling me all about the trip and what his friends did.

A couple of them did sleep with local girls. What if he did too?

Part of me is scared to hear the truth. If he admits to cheating, our wedding will be off.

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But I am becoming more frustrated and angry every day. It’s eating me up.

My gut says he’s taking me for a mug. Should I throw him out or demand an explanation?

DEIDRE SAYS: Do not jump to conclusions. There might be an innocent explanation.

The condoms could have been in the suitcase for a long time, or they might not even belong to your boyfriend.

It is interesting that you said you felt relieved they didn’t go to Amsterdam.

Perhaps you didn’t altogether trust him before his trip. That suggests you need to work on building trust in your relationship.

Saying nothing won’t make this go away. You need to confront him with what you’ve found.

Make it clear you haven’t been snooping and explain how upset you feel.

Ask him to be honest with you. If you are satisfied with his explanation, hopefully you can get your relationship back on track.

My support pack, Looking After Your Relationship, should help.

But if he admits cheating, you’ll need to think about whether you can get past this. Read my support pack, Cheating, Can You Get Over It?

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