I joked it was 'time for upgrade' in partner department… now wife wants divorce

DEAR DEIDRE: MY wife saw a message I sent joking it was “time for an upgrade” in the partner department and has gone absolutely mental.

She says it’s the final straw and is demanding a divorce. I am 43 and my wife is 41. We have been married for 18 years and have two girls aged 12 and ten. We were pretty happy but like most couples have our ups and downs.

Unfortunately, she had recently rumbled me flirting with two female school friends. I tracked them down through social media and had been messaging them about the naughty things we used to get up to.

At first they were just catch-up messages, but they became flirtier.

One sent me a very sexy message, asking if I still had “strong legs”. She went on to admit she had always wanted to massage them.

I hadn’t had that much attention in years so I’m afraid I responded with a photo of my bare legs — and then one of my whole body, naked.

I’ve still got a good physique. But my wife didn’t appreciate it and said I’d gone too far. The way she reacted, you would have thought I’d had a full-blown affair. She was screaming and crying.

I probably could have handled it better but at the time I told her to get over it. It wasn’t physical, after all. My wife was very suspicious after that and endlessly monitored my phone. Sadly, I forgot to delete a joke message to my friend saying: “I’m itching for an upgrade.”

My wife can’t see the funny side of it and insists she “shouldn’t have to put up with my piggish ways”.

She’s asked me for a divorce and insists I have no respect for her. She thinks I am treating it all as a joke.

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DEIDRE SAYS: You may feel this is nothing more than a joke but until you take it seriously you have no chance of rebuilding the trust between you.

Like it or not, sexting is a form of cheating. Ask yourself how you’d feel if your wife was sexting other men.

She feels she will never be able to trust you again and that is no way to live.
Rebuilding trust after such a betrayal is hard.

Her mind may be made up but if you think there is a chance, it’s worth trying to convince her you have learned your lesson and you are willing to work to save your marriage.

Some people can forgive and forget so it is worth a try, if only for the sake of your daughters to start with.

My support pack Cheating – Can You Get Over It? will help you both.

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