Why does this woman keep texting my husband while I have chemo?

I’m having chemo and the mother of my son’s friend is always texting my husband – he says she’s just being ‘nice’ but others think she’s trying to drive a wedge while I’m unwell

  • Woman asked British forum Mumsnet for advice on husband’s friendship 
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A mother who is recovering from cancer treatment has revealed she’s upset with her husband over his friendly relationship with the mum of one of their son’s pals. 

Taking to the British parenting forum Mumsnet, the mother outlined in a series of posts how her husband socialises with the other woman after their sons play a sport together at the weekend – and it’s always on a group.  

But on top of that, she’s contstantly texting and the wife has seen messages saying ‘I love you and your son’.

She said that she doesn’t think her husband is cheating but it makes her uncomfortable, and he’s refusing to listen to her concerns, insisting the other woman is just being ‘nice’.

Commenters said the woman is ‘vile’ and playing games, while others claimed it’s quite common when a wife has cancer for other women to start circling her husband. 

Taking to the British parenting forum Mumsnet, the mother outlined in a series of posts how her husband is socialsing with and constantly texting the mum of one of their son’s friends

The mother said she doesn’t think her husband is having an affair, but she feels upset that he’s not listening to her concerns about the level of contact with another woman 

Explaining the situation, the woman wrote that her son has a friend at secondary school whose mother is very friendly with her husband and often asks him out for a drink.

‘I have spent the year going through chemo and it was usually on my chemo days that she would message.’ she said. ‘I’m now in remission but she hadn’t asked how I was at all. 

‘I feel my husband is flattered by the attention but I feel uncomfortable.’

She said that when they socialise, it’s always with other mothers or her husband. 

‘I don’t think they are having an affair. But the messages are getting more frequent. Am I being unreasonable?’ she asked. 

Commenters claimed the other woman is not to be trusted, and said she could be trying to drive a wedge between husband and wife

Expanding further, she said their sons play a sport together at the weekend and it’s ‘very social afterwards’.  

‘He says he is doing it for our son to have a nice time. He always goes. And thinks I’m being unreasonable and why she he be nasty to somebody who is being nice?,’ she said. 

The plot thickened when she revealed how the other woman had recently texted her to say ‘I’m here for you’, even though she’d already been going through chemo for a year.  

‘My son and husband came home and she was still messaging him saying I love you and your son so much. She then screen shoted my message to her saying I feel so rejected what did I do.? I just get such bad vibes from her?’ 

Some people thought there was an innocent explanation, and said the shared sporting activity made all the difference 

Commenters were quick to urge the woman to trust her gut, with one describing the other woman as ‘manipulative’. 

Another added: ‘You probably aren’t imagining it. I was in my early 20s when I worked in cancer care and it was a real eye opener.

‘It’s something I only ever saw other women do when it’s the wife having treatment. Inserting themselves in the husband’s life in some way and steadily putting a wedge in.

‘I honestly wouldn’t put up with your husband facilitating her behaviour, he needs to cut her off.

‘How did it get to them on one side and you on the other? She’s just playing the innocent by inviting him to group things when she thinks you are busy.’

Another echoed the same sentiments, saying: ‘She’s bang out of order. She shouldnt be telling him she loves him and your son.

‘In my experience of men whos partner has cancer they are frightened, but also selfish and angry because you cant do what you did before so its very common for them to get thier needs met elsewhere. Shes a distraction from reality and hes putting his needs first. They are both out of order.’

However others thought there was a more innocent explanation, with one suggesting that it’s quite normal to be social after a shared sporting activity. 

‘This is fine,’ she said. ‘I used to play a team sport and we’d often go to the pub together after a tournament. Husband would pick me up later.’

Another added: ‘Maybe she doesn’t know you’re not having treatment anymore and just thought if you were, that would be an ideal time for him to have a bit of “escapism”. I don’t think it’s paryicularly odd. Now dinner for two would be different.’

And a third said that she is probably just trying to be supportive of her husband while she’s going through treatment. 

‘I remember when my friend was having chemo, the world and its wife was offering her anything and everything she could need but it was actually her husband who needed the social distraction from worrying.’

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