Kirk Norcross has told his followers on Instagram that he is now suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder after discovering his dad dead.
The ex-TOWIE star spoke out for the first time in hope that off-loading on social media would help heal some of the trauma.
Sharing a number of emotional videos, the 33-year-old explained how he was first on the scene when he learned his father had taken his own life.
He tried to save his life but tragically it was too late.
His memories of that day had been "eating him up" so much that he just wanted to share his feelings to take the "pressure off".
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Kirk explained: "I haven't told no one this, only like my friends and family know. I don't know why I'm telling Instagram, really. It's not for a sob story. I don't want no special treatment or anything.
"Maybe if I tell more people, it takes a lot of pressure off my shoulders. Obviously, everyone is aware that I lost my dad due to suicide. He hung himself. And I was the one that found my dad."
He added: "I don't take anything away from my old man for doing that, you know. I’d rather do that than some stranger find him. It just eats me up.
"It's a bit hard to deal with, but I am. I don't know why I'm telling Instagram. I just thought… I’ve got a lot of pressure on my shoulders lately. I feel good. I’m being a good man for my dad. I feel a lot better already, just a bit of weight off my shoulders, you know."
Kirk continued: "I used to do stuff to impress other people and now I’m doing stuff to impress myself. It’s just a bad couple of days I’m having – and it’s normal.
"It’s just normal. Just a bit hard to deal with. I was really close to my dad and to find someone how I found him… it is what it is.
"It's life, though. It does make you or break you. It’s going to make me, I know it will. Just got to get up and just be the man my dad wanted me to be. That’s all I can do."
He later discussed his diagnosis, explaining: "Obviously that's why I've just been diagnosed with PTSD.
"I've been having this pain where I feel like my throat is closing up and I can’t swallow. It’s not life, is it? This shouldn't happen to people.
"But it's my life and it's what I've got to do. And I feel better for talking."
Mick, who left behind four children, became a firm favourite on the ITV programme from 2011 and 2013.
Many of the biggest TOWIE bashes were held at his famous nightclub The Sugar Hut in Brentwood, Essex.
Kirk quit the show after the third series and attempted to leave his life in the limelight behind him and now runs a jet washing company.
For emotional support you can call the Samaritans 24-hour helpline on 116 123, email [email protected], visit a Samaritans branch in person or go to the Samaritans website.
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