KATY Perry said she was 'fantasizing' suicidal thoughts in her depression battle three years before welcoming her daughter Daisy.
The singer has always been very open about her depression, especially while she was pregnant.
Katy, 35, appeared on CBS This Morning and she spoke to Gail King about her emotional state and her body as she expected her daughter, Daisy Dove, at the time of the interview.
"I started writing these songs when I was in my darkest place. I was clinically depressed, I wasn't even having bouts of depression, it was like I could not get out bed," she told Gail.
When Gail asked her why she was so depressed, she said: "I think it was a combo of a lot of things. In 2017, my career didn't really meet my own personal expectations, things started to shift, and I had broken up with Orlando [Bloom], I wasn't getting high off of my own supply anymore and then I was like, 'Oh wow, I've given all of the responsibility of my self-worth outward.'
The Smile singer then told Gail that she was "always getting some form of help," but she decided to really pursue it when she "was fantasizing about not being around."
"You start thinking about things like that and if I did that, I would kinda have the last word or be able to control the chaos and the sadness.
"I'm so grateful that it didn't go there."
She then described the release of Smile as her own "touchstone of coming out of hell."
Just a week ago, Katy opened up about the shame she felt when she first got on medication to treat her depression.
The 35-year-old singer said that she couldn't get out of bed for weeks, and needed to get medical help.
"I broke up with my boyfriend. My expectations weren't met and the world didn't want to hear from me anymore at that moment," she told Apple Music's Zane Lowe to promote her new album, called Smile.
"They were like, 'That's enough. Thank you very much. You've given us something and we're good.'
"And I just couldn't get out of bed for weeks and became clinically depressed and had to get on medication for the first time in my life."
Perry added, "I was so ashamed of it. I was like, 'I'm Katy Perry. I wrote 'Firework.' I'm on medication. This is f***ed up.' "
The star revealed that her battle with her mental health had got harder once she was in her 30s.
"The older you get, the more real life gets and the harder it gets to hold onto the pain that helped you create. No longer is that pain helping you create songs," Perry said.
"It's just tormenting your mind at that point, especially in your 30s, when just life, things start to ache. Your body starts to not function. Your metabolism goes south. All things start to change in your 30s, but there's so much clarity that comes from it as well.
"I was getting pretty high off my own supply for a long time, and then it just didn't work after Witness," she said of her fifth studio album, which was released in 2017.
The Roar hit-maker said the point of transition came after years of turning her pain into chart-topping hits.
"I realized, 'Oh my God. I have given so much power out for validation and acceptance and love, and now it's not coming back to me.'
"I used to really be able to fix my depression or my bouts of depression by just going, 'I'm going to write a freaking song,' or, 'I'm going to do this. So blah, blah, blah. I'm going to whatever. I'll leave you in the dust. You break up with me, I'll show you. Here's a No. 1 one.' It didn't work anymore," the Dark Horse star said.
"Even when you're the most famous person on the planet, coming from me, I mean, this is my own experience. I still didn't feel good enough. I still didn't feel like I was in the club. I still didn't feel worth it," she shared.
"I just was like, 'This is really happening to me? And also like, why me?' Not why me, but just like, I never really got to fully enjoy it because I never accepted it. You know? Because the truth of the matter is, is fame is a by-product for me. It's not the reason why I started my career. It's not the reason why I write the songs," Perry explained, later adding, "For me, music was so, and still is, so healing."
The star explained that she had to learn to turn down the negative narrative in her mind.
"The last two-and-a-half years have been a psychological, spiritual, emotional journey of just pulling the petrified poison out of my body and rewiring my neural pathways and that negative thought ticker that keeps coming says, 'You're just lucky. You're just cute. You're not really good. You're not very talented. You're lucky. You're just lucky,' or, 'You're not worth it. You're not good enough. You're getting old. You're fat,' all that s***," she told him.
"I figured out how to quiet it the f*** down," Perry noted.
Katy – who was close to being 10 months pregnant – and Orlando announced the birth of their daughter, Daisy, with a statement on the Unicef website, as they are both Goodwill Ambassadors to the global organization.
The parents gushed: “We are floating with love and wonder from the safe and healthy arrival of our daughter.
"But we know we’re the lucky ones and not everyone can have a birthing experience as peaceful as ours was," they said of tough times in the wake of the coronavirus pandemic.
Why did Katy Perry name her baby Daisy?
The singer gave birth to her daughter Daisy on August 26, 2020.
The exact reason why they called their daughter Daisy is yet to be confirmed by the couple.
However we have sneaking suspicion it has something to do with Katy's fiance's surname.
As Orlando's last name is Bloom this could be the connection.
She also called her latest song (released May 2020) Daisies in homage to her new baby.
“Communities around the world are still experiencing a shortage of healthcare workers and every eleven seconds a pregnant woman or newborn dies, mostly from preventable causes.
“Since COVID-19, many more newborn lives are at risk because of a greater lack of access to water, soap, vaccines and medicines that prevent diseases."
The lengthy message continued: “As parents to a newborn, this breaks our hearts, as we empathize with struggling parents now more than ever."
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