Monsters and Critics columnist Liz Long recaps Married at First Sight, New Orleans, Season 11, Episode 6, I See Red Flags, with a little help from a glass of pinot (or two) …
Hello, my MAFS-lovers! Our honeymoons in Mexico are drawing to a close, and if it isn’t clear by now… we have an official King and Queen of Season 11. Or at least, the King and Queen of red-hot honeymoon chemistry. All hail Woody and Amani! They seem to be the only ones getting this honeymoon thing right. Am I right, or am I right?
But before we get into fully-broken chastity belts and how Woody has stepped UP into that husband role, we must discuss the rest. A terrified Haley Joel Osment once said, “I see dead people,” and tonight, a lot of our other couples had us just seeing red … flags, that is.
In honor, we shall pour our red wine to get us through …
And, if that doesn’t work, we will play question games where we ask what kind of fruit are you and try out some rating scales. Just one tiny favor, por favor? Don’t invite Brett? I’ve heard he’s a major buzz-kill. Let’s recap.
Red Flag #1: “Olivia, Brett’s a F**k-boy.”
I have to start out with Olivia and Brett because they dominated the red flag department tonight. Now, admittedly, we saw Brett’s “F-boy” tendencies come out in our premiere episode. However, I stayed optimistic as he and Olivia bonded over their hobbies (i.e., cats), and Brett talked about Olivia in such flattering manners in his one-on-one time with producers (“she has grace”).
- What is the success rate of Married at First Sight and who are all the couples that…
But Brett’s words only go so far. You see, and as our wise Christina astutely pointed out, Brett SAYS all the right things, but, meanwhile, his actions aren’t aligning. He is surface-level deep so far and is quick to condescend. Now I hate pointing these things out, but dang Brett, couldn’t you have just played along with the group activity and rated your marriage?
I mean, even if you aren’t feeling it (like Bennett), just spit out a random number and at least be a guy dudes want to have a beer with. If not for me, for your wife who is revealing herself to be quite the cute little social butterfly.
And, I’m sorry, but pontificating how rating a marriage dehumanizes people right after you bragged about your typical third-date sexual conquests to your new wife does not a beer-bud make.
God love Olivia. She will give him the benefit of the doubt until he proves her wrong, and, ope, it happened sooner than expected. While Olivia desperately tries to communicate with her new husband who makes boyish groundhog’s day sex puns (“I got it in”), her communication begins and ends with her. In fact, she said it herself: “I feel like I’m having a conversation with myself.” Ironic considering just earlier that day, Brett prided himself on his amazing communication skills.
I hate coming at Brett so strong here, and, yes, he did give an apology the next morning, but I can’t say I’m feeling the love. While my like for Brett decreases, my appreciation for Olivia is increasing by the minute: She likes nice restaurants. She can pay her own way. She is social. She makes fast friends with girls. And she is trying her darndest to make this work. There’s more to her than cats and Lil’ Wayne! Team Olivia all the way.
Red Flag #2: Karen was chilly last episode. Tonight, she’s downright cold.
You guys, I have been rooting for Miles and Karen. (I’m rooting for ALL of our couples!) So it pains me to write tonight about the ways Karen was quick to shoot down a Miles who was just trying to have fun. Now we all know Karen has kept a guard up the size of the Great Wall of China, but I am wondering if she is just trying to self-sabotage now.
Yes, Miles showed his younger age last week when he called her a cougar, but tonight, Karen was clearly so annoyed with Miles, it was hard to watch. Early-riser Miles: “WE’VE BEEN MARRIED A WEEK, KAREN!”
I’m still hanging on hope here, but it’s not looking pretty. Karen was not too receptive to Miles sharing with her that he has clinical depression because apparently, clinical depression equates to not being a masculine male in her book. But, Karen, may I play devil’s advocate here and suggest that Miles’s sharing this with you and expressing his feelings actually does show manly qualities? I’ll stop now because I don’t want you to give me that look, either.
Red Flag #3: Christina’s patience has left the resort.
Though we are only on Day 6 of marriage, Henry has not made a single move so far. Christina is trying to be a little trooper, but she’s getting super tired of being the aggressor. Something tells me she and Karen have a lot in common and just want a caveman of sorts to drag them off and show them some sort of dominant masculinity.
Now in keeping with my optimism for Season 11, I’m going to go ahead and point out that I think Henry actually has a little caveman mentality in him! Can we all just take a moment for that time during their reception when Henry cut Trishelle off and whisked his new wife away? And need I remind you that Christina found that “sexy”!?
Tonight, Henry showed a hint of that side again when the group passed around the conch to discuss whether “they all be kissin’.” Henry: “We haven’t (slyly interjecting “I know who this was directed to.”) I don’t care if this is non-beer-bud behavior or not, it shows Henry’s at least got a little somethin-somethin’ in him! So come on, Henry. Do as Woody instructed, and make a move! Christina just might dig it.
We’ve come to the point in the recap where only two couples remain: Bennett & Amelia and Woody & Amani. And, rest assured, no red flags reared their ugly heads here. No sir-ee! In fact, they gave us the complete opposite! Can we take a celebratory sip for EFFECTIVE communication? PLAYFUL activities?!? And maybe even a little KISSY-KISSY? Thank you guys for keeping my hope (and buzz) alive!
Woody & Amani: You make me a better man.
Now, I’d like to dedicate a whole recap to these two, but I’ll limit myself to just the highlights. And highlights were aplenty tonight.
Overall, though, the theme was that the Amazing Amani has inspired our little jazzy Woody to be a better man. And, no, when Woody told her this, it was not dripping with movie-quote cheesiness. It felt real, not to mention completely believable, when we think of the woman Amani is proving herself to be.
I’ve been liking Amani more and more every episode, and tonight was no exception. I love how she is becoming close with Olivia, recognizing her inherent sweetness and wanting to know more about Brett for Olivia’s sake. I love how she is letting loose, and going along for the ride–literally–with Woody …
And I love how Amani is totally mature for her age, but not stiff and serious, always receptive to her husband’s flirtations.
Woody was an underdog going into this “experiment,” with his friends saying Miles was ready for marriage but Woody was not. But Woody is rising to the top, proving that he is not only ready for the husband challenge, but he has fully embraced it!
“Happy Wife, Happy Life,” Woody said. With that mantra and his romantic gestures, he is romancing the chastity belt right off his sweets! Bubble baths with roses … charms for her bracelet … and planning a whole day for her to make her feel like a Queen!? Well done, Woody. Well done.
Amelia & Bennett: Do you wanna build a fort?
Amelia & Bennett are a close second behind Woody and Amani … the only thing I’m missing is seeing a little more “whoopy”-action between them. But Bennett claims they’ve been smooching, so I’ll take his word for it.
And what they might be lacking in the whoopy department, they are definitely making up for in the getting-to-know-you department. Always asking questions: “how would you raise your kids” … “what were your previous relationships like?” … they ask the questions, and dive deep with their answers, genuinely wanting to learn and grow with each other.
Not to mention, Amelia busted out a cute little song tonight that Bennett gave a sweet little smile to, and I’m taken right back to loving these two.
So that about does it for this week, my MAFS-lovers! Are you, like me, wondering if we have only two solid couples at this point? Do you think Woody and Amani can keep this momentum going?
Next week, we see that Amani doesn’t want a wall full of Woody’s hanging hats, but if this is what we have to worry about with these two, then I think we are in the clear. We better be in the clear. I have become oddly obsessed with them and, for real, if they don’t make it, I will never watch this show again. Okay, we know that’s not true. But it will take a lot of wine to bring me out of that rabbit-hole. I’m off to make a bubble-bath for one. I might even find a rose petal to throw in if I’m lucky.
Thank God for wine.
Til’ next week my MAFS-Lovers!
Married at First Sight airs on Wednesdays at 8/7c on Lifetime.
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