It’s Fantasy Suite Week on The Bachelorette… but will a magical trip to Crete finally break the inexplicable spell that the detestable Luke P. has cast on Hannah this season? (Fingers crossed!)
Hannah’s so excited to hit those fantasy suites, guys, she’s singing about it. Literally. She and the four final guys — Peter, Jed, Tyler C. and (ugh) Luke P. — all head to the idyllic Greek island of Crete to take “the next step” in their “journey,” with the help of an intimate, Chris Harrison-arranged getaway. So let’s see who made their fantasies come true… and who definitely did not.
PETER | After emphasizing that “it’s been a long time since I’ve been physical at all with a man,” Hannah joins Peter for a passionate boat ride and does her best to, um, raise his main sail. (Exhibit A: the photo to the right.) Peter, for his part, declares that Hannah “has my heart” and engages in a little Titanic cosplay with her, telling her she’s “the most beautiful girl in the world” before they make out. A lot. (Don’t mind the deckhand working the ropes around you, guys. He’s just making sure you don’t sink.)
That night, a freshly sunburned Peter tells Hannah how their relationship has “solidly progressed” each week (ooh, how romantic!) and gushes about how much her family liked her. He seems to be circling around the big L-word, but he finally brings it in for a landing: “It made me realize how in love with you I am.” That was all Hannah needed to hear: After making out some more, they crack open the standard fantasy suite invitation from Chris and jump all over it, enjoying a passionate evening in an abandoned windmill. Well, we’re one-for-one so far! But maybe Peter shouldn’t be so confident after their night together…
TYLER C. | Is it hot in Crete, or is it just Hannah and Tyler C.? These two have always had major sparks without even trying, and they get right into it here, getting seriously hot and heavy on a spa massage table. Tyler even says in voiceover that he’s ready to get down on one knee and propose, but Hannah still has some doubts as to whether there’s anything more than just physical chemistry (and a whole lot of Greek massage oil) between them.
At dinner, Tyler is expecting “fireworks,” but Hannah throws water on them, confessing she has “a concern” that their physicality is overwhelming every other aspect of their relationship. In fact, she doesn’t want to go to the fantasy suite and have sex with him… but she does want to go to the fantasy suite and not have sex with him, to work on the emotional side of their relationship. And Tyler’s fine with that! They have a Champagne toast on a boat, which seems to be rockin’… but that’s just the wind, ya pervs! The next morning, she thanks him for respecting her “boundaries” and keeping things PG-rated — which only made her want him more! (She even sheds a quick tear when he leaves.) So that’s two dates, two fantasy suites…
JED | Now it’s musician Jed’s turn: He and Hannah enjoy some festive folk dancing in a quaint Greek village, where a swarthy gentleman observes that they “look fully in love.” (OK, maybe one-quarter in love. But as Hannah reminds us, Jed is the only guy she’s said she’s falling in love with.) Jed still has some questions for her, though… about Luke. “I need some clarity on Luke,” he says, wondering — as we all do — what she could possibly see in that doofus.
Hannah’s response isn’t encouraging: “Like, how honest do you want me to be?” (That’s never a great answer to any question, is it?) She explains that she and Luke P. have a “strong connection” that she can’t describe, and gives Jed the old “you don’t know him like I know him” spiel. Jed isn’t satisfied, though, and (maybe not wisely) tells her at dinner that keeping Luke around “says a lot about your decisions,” adding that it might make him “retract how I feel.” (Oof.) It all spirals down quickly and awkwardly, with Hannah fleeing the table, shouting, “I don’t want to do this anymore!” But he assures her he loves her and trusts her decisions… and they somehow still end up in the fantasy suite together? It looked real shaky for a second there, but hey, we’re three-for-three!
LUKE P. | Hannah — who must be exhausted by now, right? — saves the worst for last, taking a helicopter ride with Luke P. to a gorgeous seaside picnic in Santorini. They get along great at first, smooching and smiling, and Luke is already looking at her and seeing his future
handmaid wife. (He is the best kisser of the bunch, too, Hannah reveals.) But things take a very sharp turn south at dinner, when Luke very nonchalantly says, “So let’s talk about sex!”
He then launches into a self-righteous diatribe about how “the marriage bed should be kept pure” and, if Hannah dared to rub her flesh against the flesh of one of the other guys, she would be forever unclean in his eyes: “I’d completely remove myself from this relationship.” (And just by what we saw on those other dates, oh, she dared.) Hannah, to her credit, sticks up for herself, calling him out for being judgmental and possessive and firmly saying, “I don’t want you to be my husband,” before telling him to leave. (God isn’t too happy, either, as a heavy rainstorm breaks out mid-scene.) He won’t take no for an answer and says she “owes” him a chance to apologize, which only makes her angrier, and she uncorks an instant-classic line on him: “I have had sex… and honestly, Jesus still loves me.” (Just print up the T-shirts now, ABC. I’ll take a men’s medium.)
Before Hannah puts Luke’s butt in a car out of there, she adds, “My husband would never say what you said to me,” and flips him a middle finger as he drives off. Ding-dong, the ding-dong is dead! (Well, three fantasy suites out of four ain’t bad, right?) But we don’t even get a rose ceremony… and in the preview, Luke P. shows up for more punishment! Yikes, y’all.
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